That's what she said
Thursday, July 29, 2004
im leaving on saturday. slightly feeling separation anxiety already. as if naman matagal ako sa korea diba? wala pa nga akong maleta eh.
tapos pagbalik ko, midterms galore ang drama. thesis proposal (tama ba naman na may midterms dito? sir arao?), film 104 (on gangster and noir films naman so ok lang), c141 (pano mag mi- midterms kung walang natututunan?)...
i resolve not to dwell on issues that may just suddenly spontaneously combust. because as far as emotions are concerned, i believe in abiogenesis.
i need to stop trying on my conference clothes and start packing my things. i leave the day after tomorrow. i go to the parlor tomorrow. i shop for shoes later.
aaaahhhhh! im excited about the plane flight...
Thursday, July 22, 2004
i just decided that "negative" posts will have a shorter shelf life.
anyway, i turned 19 last monday, which is really nothing very earthshaking. even to me. oksy, do i'm finally old. so what? i'm still an average of two years younger than my peers! *gloats*
no actually, i'm rather ?sad? because there's this feeling that my whole life just passed me by. that so many things have happened in the last few years but i hadly even noticed. (am i dying or what?) new friends, discarded illusions, new lover, new course, new outlook in life, evolving relationship with the family, and an identity crisis every week. i've taken all of these for granted for the very lame reason that i'm being (mote: present tense) buried in school work. since when has academics ruled my life (forever?)? and graduation is fast coming up.
so, i'm doing great in school. great? no, not really. because every time i try and look back, you know, to analyze my college existence, i don't remember anything. there are faint vignettes of my life in up manila. how we used to go to billiards halls to pass the time, or when we'd stalk our crushes just for the hang of it (or to savor the feeling of making them feel they're being watched). but these memories are slowly fading.
ever since ive shifted to journ, my life's been fast forwarded. i tried joining an organization, only to fail yet again because of my unreachable standards of integrity. in the process i made new friends, some i keep, others i leave. but these extra curriculars have been dominated by my drive to succeed. it's so different from when i was in polsci. back then i could be the worst slacker and still excel. never did i feel that i had to prove anything, i knew i was good at what i was doing, arguing with teachers and making their truths crumble. i guess politics will always be my thing.
i got bored to death so i shifted to journ. and here i have to work my ass off day in and out (except now when i feel the urgency to blog). i recently made a professor's truth crumble (according to kate) but this was still courtesy of my ever reliable political stock knowledge. i emailed him just a while ago. yes, the theater of the oppressed did not start here, sir a. and yes it did start in brazil, as i told you. augusto boal's the name.but i digress.
i enjoy journ, but alas, it's made me lose focus. (or made me find focus, however you want to see it). if had slacked off just a little bit more, i may have found more friends and had more fun. but i just had to turn in those damn papers. i just had to crosscheck facts in the library.so here i am, in the twilight of my collge years, looking back with every ounce of regret i could squeeze out of myself. i should have made more friends. i should have had more fun. (i should have taken less teodoro classes)my friendship with kate, julie et al could have been deeper if i had more time. i could have listened more to their problems, been the person they ran to to cry with.
but i guess, i thought there were more important things than just being a friend. and so i lost out on opportunities to have fun. or to cry with someone over something other than MY problems.and there is only one chance to live college. have i spent it wrong? maybe. i've only to keep my integrity to say "no". because i've always said that i do not have any regrets, that to think more than twice is to waste your time.
so, belated happy birthday to me. and advanced happy graduation.
Friday, July 09, 2004
Faster than Satan's debut lp is now out! 12 tracks of the best metal music. Highly technical guitars, gut wrenching growls, and ultra fast drums! Only Php 150 per cd. The first 20 copies have a bonus track! :)
So be a good friend and buy one! :) just contact me ok? we can have your copies signed by the artists themselves! :)
Thursday, July 08, 2004
Tuesday, July 06, 2004
spent my week despising some "other people". productive?
i thought maybe i should enter something literary here.
but i'm tired.
sir bailen looks a little (sorry for this) dead. it's actually funny. he kept smoking a pipe. and to someone who knows (and i know), the leaves he were smoking may be, you know, five fingered before they were dried and crushed.
wala pang pera mula sa inquirer
feeling tuyot. haha!!!!