That's what she said

Tuesday, September 21, 2004
3:21 AM

it's 1:33 am and everything's quiet. it's been around an hour since i finished my thesis proposal, but still i'm awake. i've given myself a sleep deadline. by 2 am i'm supposed to be in bed.

it's been a hellish weekend. that's why it feels so odd for me to be feeling like this-- calm. aren't i supposed to be "highly emotional", whining, screaming, crying courtesy of the monthly pre phenomenon?

it's probably the cold. there is no breeze, but the air is cooler than usual. it's cooler than the after- rain hours which make your hair stick to your nape. its definitely cooler than basketball hours inside the gym. it's the "ber" air i guess. hovering about.

everything's so quiet, it's a sin to be listless. i need only one other thing to call this the perfect moment-- my lover's arms around my body. My lover's presence would make it all complete. Because there will be conversation when i want one, and there will be only physical contact when i (un) say so.

right now, my lover is asleep, not knowing that i think of him like this. not knowing that i think of him like this every night. he knows only that i love him. not how. not how much.

everything is dark. it's morning. i am alone, in all senses of the word. but i am full, unlike when i am alone in the company of others. when my laughter is hollow despite its loudness.

i can choose to laugh right now. i just smile instead. in a quarter of an hour i will retire, and turn my thoughts into dreams.


Sunday, September 19, 2004
12:15 PM

nagpapaulan ang langit ng problema.

sa akin lang. here in my little corner of the world, bumabaha ng problema.

nanakaw ang cell phone ko kahapon!

pakshet talaga. kung kelan pa maraming kailangan kontakin dahil sa sandosenang group work. kung kelan pa thesis galore na, at kelangan kung kulitin si sir arao na i- advise ako ng mas maigi pa. kung kelan kelangan kong itext ang mga iinterbyuhin ko para sa reconstruction article ko ng martial law. pota!

pero sige, keri. pangit naman yung phone na yun. mahirap mag send at hindi matawagan. masyadong malaki ag pixel size kaya mukhang robot ang mga pics. sige, iyo na yun hayop ka! pero yung sim ko, yung sim ko!!!!

andun yung first ever text message sakin ni akelle. yung first ever i love you niya the day before naging kami! andun yung messages niya nung nasa Nueva Ecija siya, yung mga messages niya kapag wala lang, nangungulit lang siya!

gusto ko mag imbento ng mura para sayo. para hindi nanay mo ang inaapi ko. shet ka! lamunin ka sana ng lupa!


Wednesday, September 15, 2004
11:52 PM

humor me, just this once.

in more pleasant news... our basketball class won! for the first time! and by a whopping 11 points! and when there were only 11 of us!

the end. for now.


Sunday, September 12, 2004
7:05 PM

i dunno why it took so long for me to blog about this, considering how much fuss i've raised over this issue. so here it goes...

akelle just gave me my first bouquet of flowers last tuesday.


they were a bunch of fresh daisies. i love daisies. i love how they're so simple, and how all the extra beauty comes in the way they're given to you. they're the perfect symbol. they don't grab the attention from the person who's giving them, and how they're being given.

akelle called me at around 1 pm and asked if we could meet at KFC Morayta. since i had no more class for the duration of the day, and that we were going to meet up eventually to go to Conspiracy for Writer's Night, I said yes.

as usual, i got there ahead of him. i was actually pissed that he was late, considering that he was just coming from UP Manila. So i texted him: "Don't tell me nauna pa ako sa'yo."

and then he replied: "Wait lang baby, i'm just across the street."

after waiting for another five minutes, i replied: "Ang layo naman ng across the street mo."

just after pressing the send button, he was there. running up the KFC stairs, with a bouwuet of daisies in his right hand. he was trying to hide the flowers from me, but the stupid grin on his face blew everything away. i was stunned. i didn't know what to say. i just sat there.

this just sealed it. i am in love with this man.


My japanese name is 浜野 Hamano (seaside field) 歩 Ayumi (walk, deeper meaning: walk your own way).
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Wednesday, September 08, 2004
2:54 AM

a kiss is your lips pressed against mine
marshmallow touch, feathered embrace
felt even before touching my face
static electricity, the teasing tingle i feel
on my cheeks, my nose, my brow

like when chocolate is left on the rim of my lips
i lick to savor the lingering taste
this is the best part
when our mouths have parted
but still, your presence is there

a kiss. the wind blowing hair off my forehead
(you tucking them behind my ears)
tracing the outline of my nose, down to
my lips and to my chin

you make a left turn to my shoulders
and drag your fingers
until you have my hand in your palm,

a kiss. your kiss.
tears trying to move back to the eyes
from the cheek
(performing a "reverse roll")

your kiss.
smiles in between sobs
the rediscovery of imagination
giving up liberty for for just one more.


What about me?

business reporter who hates math. ate to two biological siblings and numerous adopted ones. in love with ice cream and ampalaya (NOT taken together). soul at rest. badly in need of a trip to the beach.


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