That's what she said

Thursday, December 30, 2004
7:29 PM

you know what the sad thing is? that among all the words i said, you choose to remember that. an insignificant phrase that was put in the sentence not to be read literally, put to highlight the point.

by golly. everyone knows im a bitch. everyone. but no one seems to care. that's kick ass honesty for you. that's one thing that i won't change about myself. i say what i mean in the way that it would get across fastest. come on. the world doest need more bullsh*t. there's plenty to go around.

there's one other thing i won't change about who i am. i love my friends, and i'd do the best and the worst for them.

you, of all people, should know how i love my friends. but, it's over, and i won't care.

gah. i hate these spurts of empathy.

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Tuesday, December 28, 2004
9:09 PM

birthday shout- outs to nikko (my cousin), my aunt and kate.

--

nagdaan ang pasko nang hindi ko naramdaman na pasko na pala. bakit kaya?

major disappointment: binigyan ako ng lola ko ng dalawang chucks pink at yellow. pero parehong maliit sakin. :( pero sabi niya sakin papalitan daw niya. kelan kaya dadating?

gusto kong matulog na lang. tapos paggising ko, tapos na ang thesis ko. mashado pa akong bata para magtrabaho. gusto ko pa matulog. gusto ko pa matulog. gusto ko pa matulog.

gusto ko pa matulog.

leche.

tulog muna ako.

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Wednesday, December 22, 2004
7:53 PM

btw. i had a weird dream too (parang si kate).

meron ding CMC prof na kasali, pero hindi terror, quite the opposite actually.

napanaginipan ko si sir teodoro kagabi! ohmy. help me!

kasi dun sa dream, naglalakad kami ni myrtle sa skywalk. mga alas siyete na yun, natatandaan ko pa nga, sabi ko kay myrtle: "naku, seven na, hindi ka ba natatakot, ginabi tayo matapos yung paper?" siyempre sabi niya, "hindi, may car naman e."

(oo nga naman, ang tanga ko naman sa panaginip.)

sobrang dilim na, so nagmadali ako pababa. sabi ko sa sarili ko (yes, i remember thinking, in a dream.): magpapakapal na ako ng mukha, makikisabay ako kay sir teodoro pauwi.

haha. nadala sa panaginip ang desire ko makisakay kay sir teodoro.

so pagbaba ko ng skywalk, napansin ko na wala na yung kotse ni sir. nakita ko si ate raquel, tinanong ko siya: "ate raqs, umalis na ba si sir teodoro?"

siyempre inaabangan ko na sumagot siya ng oo. pero tumango siya. "ayun si sir, o. umalis na yan kanina pero pabalik."

tapos naisip ko (yes, i remember thinking, in a dream) "bakit kaya bumalik si sir?" tapos, bigla bigla na lang ako nilapitan ni sir lvt. at tinanon niya ako: "miss de leon, are you on your way home?"

"yes sir."

"sabay ka na sakin."

"wait lang", sabi ko sa sarili ko. "si sir teodoro, binalikan pa ko?"

e di siyempre sabi ko oo, sasama ako. so, naglakad kami papunta sa pinagparkan niya, uncharacteristically, sa empty lot sa gitna ng cmc at cws.

tapos tinanong niya sakin:"miss de leon, do you know how to drive?"

nagulat ako. (i remember that too.) tinanong ko siya kung automatic ba o manual yung pinaguusapan namin. sabi niya "both". bigla kung iniisip kung pwede ba yun, na sabay na automatic at manual ang isang kotse. sabi ko natuto ako sa manual pero mas gamay ko ang automatic.

ang balak pala niya ay gawin akong driver! to and from school lang naman daw. trips to elsewhere siya na raw bahala. whoa.

so pinagmaneho ko si sir luis mula kamaskoman hanggang... next scene na lang ay pinag uusapan na namin ang thesis (!) ko sa loob ng kanyang Vitara. wow.

tapos nasa marcos highway na kami. kumakanan na ako papasok sa G----- -e--o-s, ang kanyang village.

tapos, tapos na. gising na si pat sa pagkalamig- lamig na umaga at coverage ng libing ni Da King.

---
comments ko sa panaginip ko:

1. present tense ang dream ko. hindi ako nabaril. hindi kagaya nung kay kate.
2. kinombine ang dalawa kong pangarap, makapag maneho uli at makasakay sa kotse ni sir luis. naging driver ba naman ako ni sir luis?!
3. hindi ko man lang nakita ang itsura ng bahay niya. sayang!

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7:00 PM

whew. i'm finally out of that Windows ME hell. back to Windows '98, which is trustier, and stabler than ME. finally. i can get down to thesis business.

3 days to go til Christmas. the house is abuzz with preparations. i've been to Divi and back for shopping. and yet i still dont feel Christmassy.

im stuck in a "rut". qualifying: it's not really a rut because i'm content. i like my "love life". i like the way things are going with my family (finally, i'm ending the year on good terms with my father). i like how my friendships are progressing.

my future could be brighter, but as of now, now is more important. i could be thinner. but then again, there are fewer things that can be more wonderful than knowing that you are obese and yet loved by countless people.

but. Christ has been lost in my Christmas. having a permanent Christ to hold onto in the midst of the world's impermanence is something i do miss. i dont want my devotion to Him to go with my devotion to religion (out the window).

it's hard to remember without the rules and rigeurs of organized religion. when you're not following anything or anyone, it's so much easier to get swallowed up by *life*.

hey. when did this become a religious post? and when did i ever start writing those things? ;p

which makes it harder to end this. so here goes nothing. happy holidays, everyone. and to the Christians out there, Merry Christmas!

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Sunday, December 12, 2004
3:12 PM

new layout. not so new me. no energy to formulate coherent entry.

i gotta phone now! a pink Sony Ericsson T310. brand loyalty. kick ass games like Mini Golf and Tony Hawk Pro Skater. beat that!

havent memorized my number, so i cant post it here yet.

Rest in Peace Dimebag. I regret having not met you in person (you would have been an interesting one to talk to), and having been exposed to your guitar prowess only lately. Meet you at the "Cemetery Gates".

Human rights. Human wrongs. coming up, my first column for J103 on the significance of this thing called International Human Rights Day.

peace out.

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What about me?

business reporter who hates math. ate to two biological siblings and numerous adopted ones. in love with ice cream and ampalaya (NOT taken together). soul at rest. badly in need of a trip to the beach.


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